February 4th, 2013 | By xxclusivee
It’s been a little more than year since I last spoke to someone who was very near and dear to me. We had our ups and downs throughout our time on this earth together, but I can still say it was all worth the memories. It was December 18th when I lost that friend, and December 27th when I said my last goodbye to him.
It was like time stopped that morning when we all woke up and found out that he passed. No one saw it coming. No one was prepared for it. We were left with questions and no logical answers. A legacy gone throughout the night, and the state mourned for this individual.
After the burial, I went looking for answers. I didn’t know how, and I truly didn’t know why, but I felt that’s what I needed to do. Deep down I really believed that he wasn’t gone. There was no possible way. He secretly flew out to Turks and Caicos or something and didn’t let anybody know. He went out of state to purchase that Maybach he always wanted. Something. But still I looked.
I cried damn near every night. Sorrow. Guilt. Memories of happiness. Regret. For two months I was a walking Zombie. Then one day I just happened to turn on my computer, and seen on the blogs, that an affiliated singer from the Top Dawg Entertainment camp had committed suicide. Alori Joh, age 25. I didn’t know who she was. I had no idea that she was a background singer for many of the tracks that TDE has done. But for the split second after reading that article, I felt I knew her. Like I seen her somewhere in my lifetime before. I look at past pics of her and can tell that she was a beautiful Soul. There was a essence; a glow about her that made you feel like she was great person inside and out.
I also found out that a member from the TDE camp, Ab-Soul, was connected to this beautiful soul on a more personal level. I was saddened after realizing the connection. I downloaded both artists music, I guess to feel what I have missed. Why I had felt so drawn to them and their story. I connected with Ab-Soul instantly.
Fast forwarding a couple months, ‘Control Systems‘ drops and I immediately download the album. I can easily say it is the best album of 2012, and for a personal list, the best album I ever owned, next to Drake’s ‘So Far Gone‘. It wasn’t the lyricism, the beats, the production, the topics that he presented on the album that made it so great to me. It was his mind I was attracted to. How he delivered these words on the records. It was like I seen a glimpse of the thought process of what he was trying to convey. I saw love. I saw premonitions. I saw grievance. I saw acceptance.
Then it dawned on me. If Soul could accept what has happened to his life, I can too. ‘No one can stop me not even you‘. Those words ring in my head all the time now.
It was Control System that helped me through the death of my friend. It was Control System that helped Soul through his time of need. It was the power of Control that helped me accept, and to help me slowly move on. It was the relationship between Soul and Joh, that kept me connected .
I admit, I don’t have the mileage the the two shared, but that fact that I understand where he’s coming from keeps me and Soul connected. For me to be able to love his music, and him as a person and entertainer.
It’s almost the time of Alori Joh’s anniversary, and I write this to Ab-Soul. Not for recognition. Not for popularity. Not for judgement. I write this in hopes that Ab-Soul can see these words and read what I say. I write this to say I understand and thank you. If it wasn’t for Control System I don’t know where I’d be mentally. You personally helped me through the death of my friend with your music. And I can say that I was able to move on, and find somebody I’m happy with.
If you happened to read this Ode, I hope that one day, you can find real happiness too. Not to say forget about her, but live. To stay stuck is to never see the future, and I don’t think either party wanted that from any of us.
Rest in paradise Alori Joh & TJ Lee.
- Xxclusivee
